Author: Ashley Terrell
Genre: Women’s Fiction, Fiction, Self-Help, Religious
Publisher: Ashley Terrell LLC
Release Date: April 19 2016
Edition/Formats: eBook & Print
The city lights blind your amazement. The sound of the traffic challenges you to be alive. Families ask bystanders to make magic and capture the moment with photographs. Newly engaged couples seal their union by kissing under shooting stars while loving by crossing their hearts.
But if your heart was under arrest, wouldn't you want to embrace something to feel like others?
Go insider the world of one courageous sheep as she discovers that her heart was under attack by darkness. As she travels on a spiritual journey to understanding her purpose, overcoming the undertones of low confidence, self-acceptance, and the importance of inspiration, she rose against the odds with forgiveness and strengthening her faith.
Founder & CEO
Head of Marketing
Of Terrell Enterprise
Terrell brings the sharp edge of acknowledgement in various aspects of her agency as well as awareness of client's concerns, desires and needs.
Terrell is the author of inspirational novel, Bitterness Isn't Sexy! (April 2014) and The Black Sheep Shadow (April 2016).
Terrell Enterprises is a boutique public relations agency that offers marketing, branding and advertising. For more information on A Terrell Enterprises, please visit www.aterrellenterprises.com
Places to find Ashley Terrell
February 20, 2013
I slowly place the phone down on the bathroom vanity as I glance at my reflection in the mirror. My skin glowed under the master bathroom lighting. I turn around to look at the luxury we my husband and I worked so hard for. Jacuzzi, stand up showers, double sinks with gold bathroom railings and custom tiling we had two other bathrooms just like it. I close my eyes to take me back to when we had less materialistic distractions. Love kept us motivated and supportive of each other when there was one vehicle, little to eat, less than five dollars, God still gave us an abundance.
Tonight, it seemed more like a bill rather than an investment just as my marriage was an obligation, not a decision based on happiness.
I gathered myself as I come back to reality to assess that I had eventually slid down to spread the heat from my bathroom floors to other parts of my body. As my feet gained life and my fingers began to recognize themselves, I noticed one part of me that was no longer warm my heart.
I crawl into bed, sending text messages to the few close friends I felt were in my corner the word ‘few’ is an understatement. I silenced my phone as I laid on my back and looked at the ceiling. The feeling I possessed was one I never really paid a lot of attention to when it resurfaced. This time, it was as apparent as a ‘bad’ pair of shoes women spot in the mall. It was as obvious as a zit on prom day. It was me coming to a reality I was more lost than what I thought I was.
What did I do that was so wrong? I thought. Did I not support enough? We have this big house, cars and businesses to prove I am. Did I not service my husband enough for him to see I wanted him? I knew that was not the answer because he had begun to stop coming to bed and touching me months ago. I asked, “Did I gain weight?”
Though my weight scale told me I was getting leaner, I knew it was from stress. It is hard going to work in the morning and your husband doesn’t want to get out his recliner to wake you up with a good morning kiss, let alone make sure I had everything to complete my day and get out the house in time. I did not know when the distance began having an excuse. I did know that after our vows and our first night being husband and wife, I didn’t matter much.
My paralyzing state stems from my marriage being over. I knew it had been over. Tonight, I received my confirmation.
Normally, when two people sense that a relationship should not work, two things happen. First, they cut their ties as mature adults. They should not hate each other, they just simply move on. Second, they stay together to a point it hurts to be in the same room because they fear the unknown of who is next to claim their prize possession. We were at this point. I stayed with my husband that did not appreciate, respect, acknowledged or care about me. Countless nights I would roll over and his side of the bed was as cold as the winter air in the morning. The nights I dash home to cook a meal from scratch and he strolls through the door as if he did not get the memo. My closest friends from high school becoming distant memories due to egos and social media insecurities.
When you lose someone, it is always a hardship.
You have an emotional investment to your relationship. For it to dismantle, it is devastating. Somehow, you get back up and you begin again. For someone to lose someone in regards to marriage, I found no words. I just had thoughts.
You should marry your best friend. I married that one person that is so close to me that they complete my sentences. He has seen me in my most vulnerable state. To lose him, it seemed impossible to get back up and begin again.
In the moment, I felt lost. My all in
One is gone. I not only suffered a loss, I was also suffering from loneliness.
To lose my husband, he was my last piece. Without the one motivating and supporting me, I truly felt like I hit rock bottom. Not believing in anything.
I gaze out observing the moon glow over the
Elizabeth River. Tonight, is the last night I remain unknown to myself. I realized the more I stayed with my husband, the more I could not see myself on my own recognizance. My name became unfamiliar. My quiet time seemed more like torture and the people around me were more like extras from a movie. I was no longer aware of my surroundings and what defined me.
I called my husband. I did not tell him I heard what I recalled on my voicemail with the other woman, but it was enough for me to give him the divorce he’d been looking since we said ‘I do’.
In my gut, I knew this man was going to take me from hell and back in our divorce proceedings. I did not want much, I just wanted peace. Hell, I thought that was free.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy at least in my case.
My take on life has many pros and cons. I had noticed many people make it to the other side where happiness is on a
Hollywood sign. I failed miserably at understanding that conclusion.
The next day, I dragged myself into work. Real estate, once being known as a passion, of mine, now somehow became stale. During lunch, I had a lot on my mind and my coworker, Jack, was concerned. As I pushed my food around in my lunch container, he sat across from me in silence. I felt that he knew with a matter of time, my husband was going to show his ugly side. Jack was always that friend that real and to the point. Today, he knew I just wanted someone else’s presence even if it was for a half an hour. I was just tired of feeling alone.
“Jack, how do you find happiness?” I asked with tears falling into my food. Given that Jack was twice my age,
I listen to wisdom he passed along.
He said, “Sometimes, you have to go through a lot of what you may think is bad shit, to get to where you want to be. When you get there, all the shit you been through will make it worth it.”
Oh, Jack was never lying.